Oh, science, you conniving witch: we hate you. We hate you and your stupid doctors who say red wine is a way to slow aging and LIE about it, the lying liars. We're never trusting you again.
Dr. Dipak Das from the University of Connecticut, who released many studies focused on the positive effects of red wine on the aging process, was found to have committed more than 100 acts of "data fabrication and falsification," according to a university investigation. In other words, he lied, and now his research is being called into question, and all of us drunks are going to die miserable, alone, and young.
Das claims the investigation is some sort of "conspiracy" against him, but it's hard to feel sympathetic for the man who ruined all of our hopes and dreams about mortality. Whatever, Dr. Das. Go take your stupid fake research to France.
